Blogging Despite Life

I foolishly believed I’d be able to release a blog post weekly – and I still foolishly hope to – but life has a way of defying my hopes at times. I don’t want this to turn into a sort of journal of my day-to-day hurdles, but I’m also a frank person who prefers to speak on the truth of what I’m feeling. So I’m going to ride that fence!

Losing a connection with a person you once structured your every day around is a debilitating, loathsome experience that I wouldn’t recommend. In so many ways it’s a positive, in the sense of being forced to grow and adapt, and even as a writer having more fodder for emotional trauma is always invaluable. Yet actually undergoing said emotional trauma somewhat dulls the impact of its benefits.

I write because I don’t really know what else to do. It’s one of the few activities I find myself truly proud of and pleased with once I’m admiring the finished product. The uphill battle to achieve it is another matter, but once a story or collection thereof is complete, there’s no sense of accomplishment quite like it, at least so far as I’ve found. But even with my love for writing, finding the energy to blog about nothings is a weekly struggle.

It’s never been easy to write about myself and things that are just on my mind that day, but I find it’s even more challenging when what’s on my mind is deeply personal. While I’m not one to hide my feelings I also don’t enjoy subjecting others to my misery if it can be avoided. Things on my mind in the wake of recent events are largely self-loathsome, pointless diatribes about the phrase “sweet nothings” hinting at the ephemeral nature of attraction, or otherwise circularly-depressive thoughts that help nothing and no one.

It’s the mind I’ve been saddled with, though, and I can see no way through but forward. I’m going to do my best to continue my blogging and pursue my aspirations, though I’d like to be as open as possible while I do so – I have experienced deep loss recently, and I will never be the same person for it. I’m sure many people reading my words can relate in some way – I absolutely don’t delude myself into thinking my pain is unique, but it’s certainly visceral. If you’ve experienced it, I have a feeling you might agree.